Dare to Breathe Read online

  He glanced up at me from his messy desk. “What’s going on? I’ve known you for four years. I know you want this opportunity more than any guy on the team.”

  I shuddered. “I really am excited. I just have something more pressing on my mind.”

  He pushed to his feet and circled his desk to stand in front of me. “Whatever it is, it’s got to be bad for you to sweep this great news aside.” His tone softened. “Is it your PTSD?”

  When I’d first arrived on campus four years ago, I met with Coach Burton and told him my backstory, including my PTSD. My dad had recommended that I fill my baseball coach in on my disorder. That way, if something did happen, he could help me.

  “No.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. But I didn’t want to tell him I was deciding how to break the news to Kade that I’d been sleepwalking and having nightmares since I’d found out that my grandfather was up for parole next month. I was worried Kade would stress out and end up with severe migraines like he’d had back in high school when my grandfather had kidnapped me. Coach didn’t need to know all those details. Besides, I had Kade there now to help me, and I was graduating tomorrow then moving home. “Kade isn’t feeling well, and he’s waiting for me.” I headed for the door.

  “Lacey, you have a great opportunity in front of you,” Coach Burton said. “But make sure you have the support of your family. Otherwise, this journey will be extremely hard for you, especially since you could be the first female to be signed by a major league team. If that happens, the media will be all over you.”

  I went back to Coach and gave him a hug. “Thank you for everything.” He’d been a confidant and like a dad to me.

  He placed a large hand on my upper back as he walked me to the door. “Please let me know how the meeting goes with the Dodgers. I know you’ll knock ’em dead.”

  My stomach revved up at how proud and excited he was for me. As I left his office, the news began to sink in. I could be the first female in the major leagues. I’d always dreamed of playing men’s baseball. But if I was being honest with myself, I didn’t think I would ever get an opportunity.

  I couldn’t get my hopes up. The Dodgers wanted to talk to me. I wasn’t going to LA to sign a contract. Still, it was a step in the right direction, and for that, I smiled and practically skipped into town, which wasn’t that far on foot.

  The closer I got to the bed and breakfast, the more my smile waned. Kade wasn’t going to let up about Randy. So I had to come clean. I wouldn’t lie to him, but I also didn’t want to conjure up the past or old demons, and my grandfather was a demon, at least in my book. Not to mention, when I told Kade about the sleepwalking, he would probably freak out. I loved him for who he was, flaws and all, and he had one flaw that was his own worst enemy—he constantly worried about me. When he worried, he got migraines to the point that he had landed in the ER one time back in high school.

  As I approached the Cape-Cod-style home, my mood tanked. Not only did I have to tell him about my sleepwalking, but I had to tell him about my grandfather. Or maybe he already knew, which was why he’d been pale. I was certain, though, he knew nothing about my sleepwalking or nightmares, and I would have been lying if I said I wasn’t frightened to tell him. The moment I told him, the past would come roaring back, and all that hard work I’d put in taming my PTSD over the years would be for nothing, especially if my grandfather was released on parole.

  I plastered on a fake smile, waving at Lee, the gray-haired lady and owner of the bed and breakfast, as I started up the stairs.

  “Is he in room two?” I asked, knowing he was. Kade always stayed in the same room that overlooked the lake, although it was much smaller than the lake behind Kade’s home in Ashford.

  “He is. Lacey?” She called my name with a hint of apprehension in her voice.

  I grabbed onto the rail, stopping on the top step.

  “Is something wrong with Kade? He doesn’t look well.” Her motherly concern was heartwarming and confirmed my suspicions that he had a migraine.

  It didn’t help that he’d seen Randy’s arms around me.

  I shrugged. “Not sure.”

  The phone on the counter next to her rang.

  She reached for the receiver as I continued my quest down the hall. The doors to the rooms had simple locks with real keys and not the electronic keycards like the big hotels.

  Kade never locked the door, especially if he knew I was coming. When I entered the room, I found him asleep. He had one hand underneath his pillow and the other tucked close to his chin. I hated to disturb him, so I slipped into bed and faced him, watching the way his chest slowly rose and fell.

  The sun spilling in through the window behind him faded as I thought back to the first day I’d met the gorgeous man.

  I jerked my head up. Some guy I didn’t know stood behind my car. Panic set in. Since the police hadn’t found the creeps who had invaded our home and murdered my mom and sister, I’d been extremely paranoid.

  I opened my glove compartment, grasped the handle of my nine-millimeter handgun, then slowly got out. The stranger seemed frozen, staring at me as though he were contemplating his next move. I released a quiet breath, placing my free hand on the roof of my car and the other behind my back. Then I met his gaze. All sense of where I was vanished in that moment. The copper eyes staring back at me made my whole body quiver and my brain seize.

  Between the sudden panic attacks that had become normal for me and trying hard to keep from blacking out, I was screwed.

  Forget the tingles. My freaking belly had a thousand butterflies fluttering inside. I swallowed in order to get the saliva to coat my dry throat. Jeepers, I needed one of those five-gallon jugs of ice-cold Gatorade that a team usually threw over the winning coach.

  After a few more swallows, I decided to give my voice a shot. The last thing I wanted to do was show fear. I was afraid that once I showed any sign of it, he would grab me with those muscular arms and drag me screaming into the nearby woods, where he would kill me the way they’d killed my sister and mom.

  “You… have a problem?” I asked. I didn’t think this guy was going to hurt me, but I couldn’t be sure. Regardless, I had the gun in my hand, and I was committed.

  “You need help?” the stranger asked as he stepped around the car toward me.

  “I wouldn’t come any farther,” I warned. My fingers wound tightly around the handle of the gun. My muscles were tense enough to burst at any second.

  “What are you doing out here all by yourself?” The guy stopped at the back edge of the car and turned his head left then right in quick succession.

  The parking lot lights hit his face at just the right angle to illuminate his copper eyes with lashes so long that I shivered. Butterfly kisses. I imagined the light touch of those lashes skimming over my face or anywhere on my body. I didn’t want to take my eyes off of him, but just that thought made my gaze wander slowly down his entire muscular body. His blue—or was it black?—T-shirt stretched tightly over his broad chest, emphasizing the word “Zeal” printed on the front. I didn’t know if it was just a word he liked or if it was the band my father had signed. I continued my obvious assessment, holding the gun as steady as my trembling hand would allow, while my eyes landed on his faded worn jeans that hung low on his hips, tattered at the knees. “None of your business. What do you want?” I asked.

  He took one step closer, and I whipped my hand around, aiming the gun at him.

  He backed away, raising his hands to shoulder height, and as he did, his T-shirt lifted, exposing a small area just above his belt that made me suck in air.

  Night turned to day as the feel of lips on mine made me moan. When I blinked, Kade was fully awake—eyes open, tongue in my mouth, and an erection that caused me to moan even more.

  All my problems became a distant memory as I mashed my body to his, feeling him, tasting him, and getting lost in us.

  Chapter 3

  Kade

  I stripped her bare then shucked my
clothes in a matter of seconds, wanting nothing more than to be inside of her, to feel every part of her as I shaped her curves. I slowly massaged her taut stomach, her ass, and her breasts before sucking and licking her from head to toe. Five years with this woman, and I still couldn’t get enough of her. We’d had some great sex over the years, and it only seemed to get better and better.

  She lay on her back, her long, wavy brown hair fanned out around her beautiful naked body, and her eyes full of love and lust. “Tell me, Kade, what you would like to do to me?” she asked in a breathy tone.

  I chuckled softly as I sucked on her nipple, my dick grazing her inner thigh. “How many times do I have to tell you, showing is better than telling?” We had this same exchange of lines every time we were together. It was as though we’d written our own song—the prelude to our intimate dance.

  She grabbed my rock-hard erection, or I should say Mr. Steel, as she liked to call my dick. My eyes rolled back in my head. At first, I thought she would guide me in, and I almost helped her along, desperately wanting to explode. Instead, I froze as we locked eyes.

  “How about I tell you what I’m going to do to you?” Her sexy smile caused my dick to jerk in her hand.

  “I’m all ears.” The role reversal was new, and my body shuddered, eagerly awaiting her words.

  Letting go of Mr. Steel, she sat up on her elbows.

  I pouted.

  She licked her lips. “I want you on your back while I suck on Mr. Steel until you’re the one screaming my name.”

  I cocked an eyebrow, knowing I wouldn’t last a second once she wrapped those thick lips of hers around my dick. As much as I wanted to fuck her until the sun set, I wanted her to do as she pleased. Seamlessly, we switched positions. Then she dragged her tongue down my chest, stopping to bite my nipples. The sensation only served to make me harder than the diamond that was tucked away in my jeans. My heart rate spiked and kept climbing the farther she traveled down my body. I thought of marriage, kids, and our future, and I almost blurted out “marry me,” but then she would stop her assault, and her lips were so close to the tip of my dick.

  She gazed up as though she were asking for permission.

  I gently grabbed the sides of her head, my fingers getting lost in her hair. “Lace, if you don’t act now, I will flip you over and fuck you hard.”

  Instantly, hunger flared in her eyes. “I want you to, but first…” She lowered her head and took me in her mouth.

  When her tongue jumped into action, circling and licking, I let out a groan, then another until she sucked hard, and I shot up.

  She giggled, no doubt loving the control she had over me.

  Any migraine I’d had was gone. It also helped that I’d taken some medication as soon as I’d gotten back from her dorm. Stars coated my vision as I teetered on that blissful edge.

  I pried her off me. “As much as I love your mouth on me, I want to be inside you.”

  Before I could flip her on her back, she scrambled quickly to straddle me. In one breath, she sank down on my dick, hard and fast. Then she stilled, sitting like a goddess, her breasts pushed out, her nipples taut, her hair messy about her face, and a frisky smile that said she was up to something.

  Before I could blink, she squeezed, gripping my erection like a tightly worn glove.

  Holy hell in water. Sweat broke out on my face as I recited to myself, “breathe, breathe, breathe.” I had stamina, but the thread of resolve to hold out and enjoy watching her take control of my body was shredding fast. This wasn’t the first time she’d teased me or made me sweat as I tried to hold back, but today seemed different. Maybe my feelings for her were heightened more than ever. The thought of having her home, in my bed, at my side, and as my partner for life was all-consuming, and I couldn’t wait for us to start our lives together.

  Flattening her hands on my chest, she lifted her hips up then down, pinning me with a sultry and satisfied look.

  I flipped her and lost control.

  I thrust into her, and we got into a rhythm as she matched my every move. Her hands were all over me, yet nowhere. I lowered my head until our mouths were fused, not breaking our stride.

  The bed groaned, the headboard banged against the wall, she purred, and I grunted as the room and world around us disappeared. She arched into me, saying my name over and over until she shuddered. One last thrust, and I was falling into that blissful oblivion as I reached my release. Breathing heavily, I kissed her endlessly as I rode out my orgasm.

  She wiped my hair from my forehead, her delicate fingers dancing down to my lips. “I love you, Kade Maxwell.”

  I couldn’t help but grin as I rolled off her.

  Blowing out a breath, she turned on her side and faced me. Her cheeks were flushed and glowing.

  I picked strands of her hair from her sweat-sheened face. “So are you ready to tell me what’s going on?”

  She slipped her leg in between my thighs as her eyes clouded over. “Not really. I don’t want you to get migraines or end up in the hospital like you did when we were in high school.”

  My heart stopped for a moment as I thought of what could have her spooked. “Baby, my migraines come and go whenever they want.”

  “But worry and stress don’t help.”

  I kissed her nose. “We’ve been through hell and back, Lace. Whatever it is, I can handle it.” My life had been a dark road since Karen’s death, and the only light, aside from my family, was Lacey. She was the reason I was breathing.

  She swallowed then worried her bottom lip. “I’ve been having nightmares again. Randy found me sleepwalking the other day, which was why I was hugging him. I wanted to thank him for finding me before I ended up…” She lowered her gaze.

  I didn’t want to think of what could’ve happened to her if Randy hadn’t found her.

  Fuck.

  “Do you know why you’re sleepwalking? Has this been happening the entire time you’ve been at college?” Please tell me no. I would kick myself repeatedly if I hadn’t been with her to comfort and protect her.

  She lifted her long lashes as a tear escaped. “My first year here was touch and go. I told you that. But I was also honest with you that I had my PTSD under control until I learned last week that my grandfather is up for parole a year earlier than expected.” She puffed out her cheeks. “According to the LA newspaper, his lawyer appealed to the parole board, stating a model prisoner and good behavior. And since the prisons in California are overcrowded, he has a chance of getting out.”

  My migraine that had all but disappeared pricked at my temples. Her grandfather, Harrison Lorenzino, Italian mob boss, had been convicted of being an accessory after the fact for her sister and mom’s murders. He’d also been slapped with charges of kidnapping and attempted murder on Lacey. But before he’d gone to trial, his lawyers had cut a deal with the district attorney’s office in California and with the federal government. In the end, the man had only been sentenced to ten years with the option for parole in six if he gave the FBI the information they wanted. And they wanted the locations of where all the money had been buried from a bank heist that Lacey’s great-grandfather had been responsible for many years ago.

  “If he does get parole, he can’t leave the state of California. Besides, you and your dad don’t have anything he wants anymore.”

  Apparently, James, Lacey’s dad, had had a book that detailed some of the locations where the stolen money had been buried. At first, the FBI thought they had recovered all the money, but after all of it was counted, they realized they were still missing two million dollars. That was when the FBI had made the deal with Harrison.

  “He scares me. I’m sorry I haven’t told you sooner,” she said. “I’d been hoping all of it would go away.”

  I interlocked our fingers. “Baby, I would kill the man if he so much as tried to come near you, and it’s not like you’ll be going anywhere near LA, anyway.”

  She stiffened. “The LA Dodgers want to talk to me about a p
itching position.” She feigned a smile.

  Wow! She wasn’t excited about maybe playing for a major league team? The despair in her voice broke my heart. The Dodgers was her favorite team. Her brother had played for them up until last year when he’d decided to hang up his hat and travel around the world.

  I brushed my lips over hers. “Don’t let the possibility of his parole ruin your dream, baby.” As much as I wanted to start a family, I couldn’t let her see or know the selfish reason why I wasn’t jumping up and down for joy.

  For the moment, I shucked the idea of proposing. No way did I want her to remember the proposal alongside her grandfather.

  She dipped her chin as she looked away. “I’m super excited. But I’m scared to go to California.”

  Like hell would she go to California alone. The times of her wanting to do things on her own were over, especially when it came to her grandfather. “I’m going with you.” Not to mention, California held so many memories for her that could trigger her PTSD at any time. After all, that was where her mom and sister had been murdered.

  She gave me a half smile. “I need to do this alone.”

  I wasn’t surprised at her answer. She’d said the same thing to me when she told me she would be going to Colby College. She’d needed to prove to herself that she could do things on her own. But living in Maine alone was vastly different than heading to a place that housed most of her triggers.

  “Not this time, baby.” I delivered the line with as much calmness as I could. “I know your independence is important to you. But for my own sanity, I can’t let you go alone, and don’t even tell me your brother, Rob, will be with you. Because last I heard, he’s in Thailand.” Her brother Rob had lived in LA up until he decided to travel around the world.

  She sighed heavily. “Okay.”

  “Wow. No argument?”

  She shrugged. “Maybe this is one time I need the big bad wolf with me.”

  I chuckled. “I’m not a bad wolf. Maybe a horny one.”

  She playfully swatted at me.