Dare to Live Read online

  “I’ll see you on Wednesday at Mr. Robinson’s.” Then she hurried out faster than the Road Runner.

  I ambled over to the sliding glass door. Jessie’s van was now in the driveway with Lowell in the passenger’s seat and Mack in the backseat. Kade opened the driver’s door for Jessie.

  My dad was ushering my mom up the deck stairs. Jessie hopped into the van. The rest of the family was down by the garage. Ruby was holding Raven near Kross. Lizzie was sweeping up the glass, and Kross and Kelton were talking.

  My mom came in, appearing shaken. I hoped she wasn’t upset with me for tackling Mack.

  Nausea settled heavily in my stomach. “Are you hurt, Mom?”

  She pressed her soft hand to my rough jaw. “Not at all. You’ll have a bruise there, for sure.”

  I couldn’t care less about me. She was the thread that held our family together. If she’d gotten hurt, then I wasn’t the only one who would’ve beaten Donovan into submission.

  Dad heated up water then removed two cups from the cabinet along with tea bags.

  My mom slid onto a stool at the island, which was strewn with dirty dishes and leftover food. “Is that man Jessie’s boyfriend?”

  I ponied up to the end of the island. “No. He has feelings for Jessie, though.”

  Mom clasped her hands together on the granite top. “Do you have feelings for Jessie?”

  Dad watched me intently as he waited for the water to boil.

  “It’s complicated,” I said.

  “Son, you either have feelings for Jessie or you don’t.” Dad’s psychiatrist voice was in full force.

  “Do you know who Donovan is, Dad? Think back six years ago.” I slowly laid eyes on my mother, trying to gauge her mood, hoping I didn’t stress her out by saying too much about how Donovan and friends had ganged up on me.

  “I know all about what those boys did to you back then,” Mom said. “Your father told me the whole story last year. While I would like to give that young man and the other two a piece of my mind, that wouldn’t change what had happened.”

  I jerked my head to my father, who had a satisfied expression as though he’d had a breakthrough with my mom’s recovery.

  “I’m not going to break,” Mom added. “You boys need to understand that. I’ve been home from the mental health facility for over four years now. I’ve learned how to deal with several things. But Kody, I would not be able to live if anything happened to you or any of your brothers. So promise me you will not do anything to get hurt and hurt anyone else.”

  I couldn’t say no to her. I couldn’t be responsible for ruining her recovery, either. “I promise.” As soon as I said those two words, I prayed I wouldn’t disappoint Mom. “Did Donovan tell you he was sorry?”

  Dad poured hot water into both cups. “He was drunk, son. When he sleeps it off, things will look differently in the morning.”

  Like hell. He would apologize even if I had to break my promise to Mom.

  I kissed Mom on the cheek. “I’m going down to my place. I’m glad you weren’t hurt.” I nodded at my dad then started for the door.

  “Kody,” Mom said. “If you have feelings for Jessie, make sure she knows. Let her decide who’s best for her.”

  Jessie had to know after the kiss we’d just exchanged before she left.

  Mom and Dad chatted as I walked out onto the deck. The threat of rain had vanished. Now, blues, oranges, and purples streaked the sky over the lake as a humid breeze rustled the trees.

  Raven ran past me. “It’s time for ice cream.”

  Ruby chased her up the stairs, frowning at me as though she felt sorry for me.

  Kade, Kelton, Lizzie, and Kross were in the garage, near the boxing ring.

  Lizzie kissed Kelton on the cheek. “I’ll be inside, helping to clean the dishes.” She gave me the same look as Ruby as she disappeared into the house. When she did, I let out a breath, relieved that I was finally free of anyone’s pity.

  Kross threw me a set of boxing gloves from the ring. “You need to release that anger.”

  I grinned at my brothers. I missed them living here. I missed the good times we’d had as kids—boxing, playing baseball, and just hanging out, doing nothing.

  Kade and Kelton sat in lawn chairs. I toed off my shoes, put the gloves on, and met Kross in the ring.

  He slipped on punch mitts that coaches used to train with Kross. “Keep your punches to my mitts. My coach would freak if I got hurt.”

  I arched an eyebrow. “Dude, you’re bigger than me and Kelton combined. It’s impossible for you to get hurt.” Kross was rock solid—arms, legs, and chest. Kelton was in great shape but lacked the broadness of Kross. As for me, I worked out, but not like Kross.

  “Just keep your punches to my mitts.”

  I launched into a right then left jab combination as Kross held steady. The act was freeing as I pictured Donovan’s face.

  “I think we should talk to Donovan,” Kelton said.

  I came to an abrupt halt. “One step ahead of you, bro.”

  “Are you and Jessie dating?” Kross asked. “Do you have feelings for her?”

  “Look, we had one night together, and we recently postponed our date. She’s dealing with something. What, I’m not sure. I do like her. No, she’s not into Donovan, if that’s your next question. She swears he’s not for her. Look, she’s amazing. But I have issues. I’m not sure I can deal with her riding a motorcycle or the fact that Donovan is in the picture.”

  “That sucks,” Kelton said.

  Kade finally spoke. “Regardless of motorcycles and Donovan, remember what Karen always said. ‘The heart knows.’ Kody, you can’t go through life believing Jessie will die like Mandy. One, it’s not healthy, and two—”

  “Dare to live,” I said.

  My brothers cocked their heads.

  I removed my gloves. “That was the advice Ms. Sharp gave me, and now it’s the title of my new song that Jessie will be singing for your future father-in-law, Kade.”

  My brothers congratulated me.

  Then Kade popped out of his chair. “We’re here for you, Kody. I don’t want to drudge up the past, but that fucker owes Mom an apology.”

  “Let me handle Donovan,” I said. “We’ll let things die down for a couple of days. He’s drunk, and I want to see if he has the balls to own up to what he’s done. If so, then maybe he’s not as much of an asshole as we thought. If not, then I’m paying him a visit.”

  At that moment, as much as I wanted Jessie, I couldn’t bring her into the mess with Donovan. I had to somehow clear the air with him. The problem was I didn’t know how, not after today’s incident.

  Chapter 18

  Jessie

  As soon as Roxanne and I arrived at Mr. Robinson’s house, he ushered us down to the basement, where his music studio was located. Then he disappeared to make a phone call. I gnawed on my nails in the quiet sound room and bounced my knee a hundred times, staring at the workstation that had lots of buttons on the large keyboard.

  “Would you stop sighing every second,” Roxanne said from a chair next to mine.

  I’d asked her to come along for moral support. But singing wasn’t why I was so agitated. “I should postpone this session. I have way too much on my mind. I have to meet Ms. Harold on Friday. I got my order from my gynecologist to schedule my mammogram, but when I called the imaging center, they couldn’t get me in for two weeks. Not only that, I haven’t heard from Kody.”

  For three agonizing days, I’d stewed over what Mack had done, and I’d sulked because I hadn’t heard from Kody. He’d been so livid about Mack showing up, even more so when Mack had pushed his mom. I couldn’t blame Kody or any of the Maxwells if they never wanted anything to do with me again.

  Roxanne pressed her hand on my knee. “Stop. You’re going to make yourself sick. I’m sure Kody will be here.”

  I stared at the microphone near the workstation, rifling through why Kody hadn’t returned any of my texts or calls.


  “Any word from Mack?” she asked.

  “Only a text from him to Lowell, saying he was fine.” My brother and I had been furious with Mack for drinking and riding. “I don’t want to see Mack right now, anyway.”

  After we’d left the Maxwells, Lowell and I had dropped Mack off at his house. He’d passed out in the backseat as I yelled at him for not only making an ass out of himself, Lowell, and me, but for his stupidity of riding while intoxicated and almost hurting everyone at the Maxwells, especially Mrs. Maxwell.

  Roxanne gave me a sidelong glance. “I still can’t believe he pushed Mrs. Maxwell.”

  I was surprised the Maxwell brothers hadn’t hunted down Mack and beat his brains out. Maybe they had, which was the reason Mack didn’t want to show his face and why I hadn’t heard from Kody. Maybe Kody had realized I was all wrong for him. Then why did he kiss you before you left his house like you were everything to him? I touched my lips, remembering how much feeling he’d put into that kiss. It was as though he had needed me to calm him, or maybe that had been his way of saying goodbye.

  Regardless, I dismissed the idea that the Maxwell brothers had hurt Mack. For one, Mack hadn’t shown up in the emergency room, and neither had any of the Maxwell boys. If they had, Roxanne would’ve known. If I knew Mack, he was embarrassed. I would also go out on a limb and say that Mack was emotionally hurt that Lowell and I had been at the Maxwells. He probably thought we’d abandoned him, or at least that Lowell had.

  The only silver lining from Sunday’s fiasco was that Mrs. Maxwell was fine, thanks to Lowell and his quick reflexes with his wheelchair. I’d apologized to her right before I’d gotten into the van, but she wouldn’t hear of it. “It’s not your fault he’s drunk.”

  I’d begged to differ but hadn’t argued the point. Mack had shown up because of Lowell and me, and Mack wanted me.

  Mr. Robinson walked in, exuding excitement. “I’m sorry to keep you waiting. I just got off the phone with my partner at Jewel Records. I’d sent him a short snippet of your performance at The Cave the other night that Jake recorded. We both feel that Kody’s song, “Dare to Live,” will zip up the charts in no time at all.”

  Roxanne squealed. “For real?”

  Mr. Robinson began pressing buttons on the workstation. The computer screen above the controls came on.

  Roxanne nudged me with her knee. “Did you hear that?”

  “Will Kody be here?” I asked.

  Mr. Robinson continued to push keys. “I don’t need him since Jake and Kody recorded all the background music yesterday. I just need you to put your heart and soul into the song.” He waved a hand at the microphone. “Shall we?”

  “Get out of your slump, or else I will kick your butt,” Roxanne whispered. “This is the chance of a lifetime. You might even make some money out of this.”

  “She’s right,” Mr. Robinson said. “Lots of money.”

  His last statement sort of lit a fire under my butt. Money wasn’t everything, but in the grand scheme of the predicament Lowell and I were in, money would be a great thing. I also could save for the surgery if I went in that direction.

  I hopped up and made my way to the microphone. When I did, Kody appeared in the doorway. It was hard to hear anything outside the room with the acoustic panels covering the walls.

  He gave me a warm grin, and my heart soared.

  Mr. Robinson moved the microphone in front of the workstation. “Glad you made it, Kody. Why don’t you help me with the controls?”

  Kody regarded Roxanne before he towed a rolling stool from the corner over to the workstation. I positioned myself behind the mic.

  “Jess, you’ll do this take with no headphones,” Mr. Robinson said. “The room is sealed off, and the acoustics will be good. I’ll run through a few sound checks. Then when I point to you, that’ll be your cue to start. Roxanne, can you close the door, please?”

  I bobbed my head as I kept my gaze on Kody, whose expression I couldn’t read.

  Roxanne darted back to her seat after she’d shut the door.

  I’d sung the song enough that I had the words memorized.

  As Mr. Robinson went through his check one, two, and three, I took in slow and quiet breaths, wanting to get this over with so Kody and I could talk.

  Then Mr. Robinson flicked his forefinger at me before the melody of the song came through the speakers on each side of the computer monitor.

  I started in. “Let’s chase a fallen star. Let’s catch fireflies in my backyard.” I absolutely adored the song, the words, and the melody. All of it made me feel tingly and emotional. When I ended with the words “dare to live,” tears were rolling down my cheeks as usual. Damn song got to me every time.

  Dashing tears away, I honed in on Kody. He had something more than awe in those dusky-blue eyes of his. Pride, maybe. After all, he’d written the song.

  “Jessie, that was great, but I’ll need a few more takes,” Mr. Robinson said.

  So I sang the song five more times, and in between stops and starts, Mr. Robinson tweaked a note here and there.

  When we finally finished, Mr. Robinson said, “This song will be a major hit.”

  Kody whipped his head at the man. “Seriously?”

  Mr. Robinson slapped a hand on Kody’s back. “I know I said I didn’t want to work with family, but I’m making an exception.”

  Kody grasped the back of his neck as the most heart-gripping smile crossed his face. If I weren’t mistaken, a tiny amount of water lit his eyes.

  “You keep writing,” Mr. Robinson said.

  Roxanne finally got up and squeezed the hell out of me. “I’m so proud of you. Lowell will be too.”

  “What happens now?” I asked, feeling as though singing might not be so bad after all. How cool would it be to hear my voice on the radio!

  Mr. Robinson stood. “The next step is to get this over to my partner. Then you, Kody, and I will talk next steps after that. Why don’t we head upstairs for a drink?”

  Kody, Roxanne, and Mr. Robinson started for the door. Kody was leaving as though he didn’t want anything to do with me. I scratched my head. I hadn’t done anything to make him not want to talk to me, unless Mack was the reason. Or maybe his family had told him to stay away from me.

  “Kody, can I talk to you for a second?” I wasn’t letting him off that easy, although maybe I should have walked away. If you’re going to work with Kody on the song, then walking away isn’t really an option. Clear the deck now.

  Mr. Robinson nodded at Roxanne. “We’ll be in the kitchen.”

  The two started chatting as they faded from the room.

  Kody studied me, his blue eyes devoid of any emotion.

  I wiped my sweaty hands on my black pants. “Are you avoiding me? You haven’t returned any of my texts or calls. Did you beat up Mack?” I was puking up words.

  He narrowed his eyes. “You sang that song better than before.”

  I let out a nervous laugh. “That’s not an answer to any of my questions.”

  “Look, Jess. I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last few days. We should stick to a professional relationship.” His tone was flat.

  My insides were anything but steady. “I thought you said you wanted more with me? And what about our dinner date tonight?”

  His biceps strained through the sleeves of his button-down shirt. “Have you ever been kicked and punched to the point where you couldn’t breathe or didn’t think you would ever see your family again?”

  I clenched my jaw. “I didn’t do those things to you.”

  Cool, calm, and collected, he said, “But Donovan is in your life. He’s in love with you. That doesn’t sit well with me. If I want a relationship with you, I have to find a way to deal with Donovan, and right now, I don’t know how to do that.”

  I wanted to knock some sense into this gorgeous man. But I couldn’t or wouldn’t beg. That wasn’t my style. “I’m not in love with him. I told you that.”

  “It doesn’t matter.
It’s extremely difficult for me not to kill him, especially after how he shoved my mom when she was only trying to help him. So as much as I’m attracted to you, I’m not sure you and me would ever work.”

  Part of me couldn’t argue with him about Mack. The two had some strong hatred for each other. I certainly didn’t want them throwing fists at each other every time they were in the room together. Yet I couldn’t force either of them to become friends, just like I couldn’t force a drug addict to quit his addiction.

  But I had to try. “You don’t even want to fight for me?” Okay, so maybe I was begging. I’d never felt as strong of a connection as I did to the tall and sexy Maxwell standing before me. Maybe he was right in that he and I would never work. I’d been the one doing my best not to get too attached to him since I didn’t want to subject him to my problems. I was also afraid that when he learned I might not have breasts, he would drop me like a hot potato. After all, he’d paid a lot of attention to my breasts when we slept together.

  He cocked his head. “Baby doll, you have to come to terms with whatever is causing you to cry so much. You say Donovan isn’t the reason, but I’m not entirely sure I believe you. Plus, you don’t want me fighting for you, because the next time Donovan came between us, I wouldn’t hold back.” He started to leave.

  “Kody, please tell me your mom’s okay.”

  “She is. Oh, and I haven’t touched Donovan. You should tell him to pick up his bike. I’ll see you upstairs.” Then he was gone.

  I planted my hand against the wall and the other on my abdomen as the room spun. I didn’t know how my life had gone from quiet to chaos in a matter of two weeks. But one thing was certain—I wanted to fight for Kody, for us. It was time for me to tell Kody the reason I’d been crying so much.

  Chapter 19

  Jessie