Crushed Page 10

  I am brought back to our current situation.

  Ryan stands up to get a wash cloth to clean me up. When he comes back in I look him in the face “I know we can’t stay married.”

  He looks startled “What?”

  “I heard you and Cindy, you can’t be married to me, and your fans won’t like it. So what do we do next?”

  He didn’t seem to want to answer me

  “It’s okay Ryan, I kind of knew this was all too good to be true, so do you file for an annulment. I don’t know the law on these things.”

  His anger comes back “I’m not divorcing you, I don’t know what you think you heard, but I never agreed to that.”

  “I heard what she said Ryan, and I heard you in your car talking on the phone freaking out. I heard you say I wouldn’t like this. So just tell me.”

  He looks at me, sadness taking over

  “You won’t like this. I don’t want to hurt you Emmalyn”

  I look away. I suddenly want to be back with Lacey

  “I have to date Katie.” He says. Not looking at me

  That’s just as bad as getting divorced

  “But you just said you weren’t divorcing me.”

  He looks at me briefly then away “I’m not Em, but the producer and Cindy think it’s better for publicity if the fans think we met and fell in love on set, if we are a couple more people want to tune in and see where it all started. Tomorrow at the press event, we have to announce our relationship.”

  I look down at my hands, playing with the ring that he put on my finger two months ago

  Ryan’s is silver, and thick. No one has ever asked him about it. He never takes it off unless he is shooting. I don’t understand how no one realized it was a wedding ring. I guess if you don’t ask you can’t be disappointed by the answer.

  “What about me?” I ask

  “What about you? I told you I am not divorcing you, this is just for now. As soon as it all blows over it will be good.”

  He clearly had not thought this through “Ryan, what you are saying is, I will be your secret wife. You will be publicly dating Katie, and when you are done with her, when they say you can be done. Then you can pretend that you suddenly met me and we got married?”

  “Pretty much.” Was his only response

  “What if you don’t do it, what if you choose to not pretend to be with her and instead admit that you are married to me?”

  He looks away from me “Then I am in violation with my contract for not listening to the producers and getting married, Cindy will drop me, which isn’t the worst thing ever, but she has a lot of connections with other big name agents in town and it would be hard to find someone else to pick me up. There is a huge movie role in the works right now, the creators want me and Katie for the lead. Once we get that role and the film is done, then this can be all over. I promise, it’s only for a 6 months top. Then we can go back to normal.”

  “So your mind is made up, you made this decision, you didn’t consider me. Not really and you made this choice without even asking me about it?” I ask.

  “This is my fucking life Emmalyn, my job. I have been looking for huge roles like these since I started 10 years ago, I make good money, but this will be insane amounts of money and it will put me on the map. I love you baby, why do you think I was so upset when I first found out. That is why I was freaking out. I’m not cheating on you, it’s just for photos and press releases, and we aren’t actually going to be dating.” He tries to reason with me

  “Okay.” I say

  “Okay?” he asks

  “Yup Ryan, okay.”

  He looks confused

  “Whatever works for you, I am here to make you happy. That’s my whole purpose in life, so I am going to go and do some laundry so you have clean clothes to wear. I know that makes you happy too. I will head to the dry cleaner and pick up your tux for tomorrow night. I am also going to get some coffee. You go pack your stuff, your plane leaves at 6 so we will need to leave for the airport in about 2 hours.”

  I stand up to walk towards the laundry room. He grabs my arm but I yank it away

  “Ryan, I love you. I do… Really. But right now, you need to leave me alone. You just basically told me your job means more to you than I do, and I will be okay with that. But right now I need a few minutes without you telling me you love me and how okay this will all be.”

  I didn’t wait for him to respond. I went into the laundry room, slamming the door behind me and falling to the floor crying.

  I heard the sound of smashing glass in the living room. He had no right to be angry. He was basically willing to throw me aside to make a few extra bucks. How was that okay?

  Chapter 23

  I tried not to talk to Ryan before he left. He seemed sad. When I came out of the laundry room, he was in his home gym bench pressing, with his loud music on. I knew he was mad. But he had no right to be upset with me.

  I walked into the living room and noticed a huge hole in the wall. That must have been the crashing noise I head, he probably threw something. Mature

  When he came down stairs, he was showered and carrying his carry-on bag. His big suitcase was all packed, I finished filling it earlier with the clean laundry. He would be gone for a week. Promoting the TV show and his new girlfriend. I put a box of condoms in his suitcase with a note that read ‘just in case your agent also wants you to have sex, be safe. I don’t know that the world is ready for more Ryan’s just yet –Emmalyn.’

  Maybe not the most mature thing, but who gives a shit.

  I knew he would be pissed, I meant it to be funny, but now that he was standing in front of me looking sexy as hell. I was regretting my joke. I didn’t want to tempt him to use them. Oh God what if he did?

  I pushed the thought out of my mind, he told me he didn’t care about her. I just had to trust him. Yes I was angry at him for this whole thing, but I knew that this wasn’t his idea. He didn’t do well telling people no. I mean look at the Holly situation, he didn’t want to hurt people. He wanted to further his job and again it wasn’t like he was really with Katie, he was still married to me and that meant something to him, I knew that.

  Before we got to the door, he stopped me grabbing my hand gently

  I was already on the verge of tears, when I looked up at him he had unshed tears of his own “I’m sorry baby, I wish there were a million other options. This is killing me, I want the whole world to know that you are mine.” He said pulling me into a hug.

  I could hear him smelling my hair, he always did that. He loved the coconut shampoo that I used, he said I always smelled like sun tan lotion, which was one of his favorite scents

  “I’m going to miss you, this whole thing will be over before you know it. I promise.”

  I looked at him “I know Ryan, and I am trying to be strong for you, but I just need you to promise me that this is all pretend, you won’t do anything to hurt me.”

  He looked at me, “I promise baby this is the only time her and I really have to flaunt it, so once we get through this week the rest will be speculation and tid bits in interviews.”

  I nodded my head in understanding. This was the only time they would be out and about together outside of at work. I could do this.

  “I love you” he said still hugging me

  “You too.” I told him, reaching up to kiss him. He deepened the kiss, so much emotion “God I hate this.” I said stepping away

  He frowned at the disconnect but straightened up “me too.”

  I drove him to the airport. I couldn’t get out with him. There would be paparazzi waiting for him, because everyone knew about the press week he was on his way to in New York. Jason was flying in a few days later to be with him, help him out and I was going to stay with Lacey and help her with Mason and have sister time.

  “Bye baby” he said, kissing me long and hard before getting out.

  I felt the tears streaming down my face so I turned away. Pulling away as soon as he shut the do
or. I looked back at the rear view mirror and noticed he was facing me, watching me drive away.

  That made it worse.

  Chapter 24

  The tabloids were running rampant. They were vicious little people. All speculating on what the new Hollywood “It” couple were up to. They followed them around, so there was no shortage of pictures. Ryan and Katie holding hands. Katie looking up at him with pure love in her eyes. Ryan returning it, not quite love in his eyes, but something.

  I called him on the third night. I told him the photos were really convincing and he seemed to be in a bad mood.

  “I don’t know what you need me to say Emmalyn.” He sounded annoyed to even be talking to me.

  “Are you busy, I can let you go?” I knew he was just sitting in his motel room, it was later in the evening in New York, but I didn’t think it would bother him for me to call him. We hadn’t talked much since he left, which bothered me. He sent flowers though. 5 dozen tulips night one, lilies the next, roses one night and each had a note that said something sweet like “one flower for each time I missed seeing your beautiful face.”

  “Yeah, I really don’t have time for this shit.” He replied

  “Oh, yeah I don’t blame you at all. Go be with your girlfriend, this shit as you call it, won’t bother you anymore.”

  I hung up

  He called back.

  I didn’t answer.

  36 missed calls when I woke up the next day. I spent the night with 3 bottles of wine and a string of really cheesy romance movies.

  I called Alex and he came over to hang out with me. I knew how Alex felt about me, but he was able to push that aside and be my friend.

  Alex was sitting in the living room when Ryan called again

  I decided I should probably answer it, so I told Alex I would be right back and went upstairs to our bedroom

  “What the fuck took you so long Emmalyn?” He was angry. Oh well I thought

  “I’m busy, is there something you needed?” I responded

  He said nothing

  “I told you, we just have to get through this week and it will be all done. I thought you were going to spend time with Lacey and Mason?”

  “I am, but not until Jason heads your way, he leaves tomorrow night to join the happy couple.” I explained, lacing my words with sarcasm

  Ryan groaned

  “Ryan, do you have feelings for Katie?”

  The question I have been wanting to ask for a while now, and never felt like I had a right to.

  Ryan said nothing for several moments

  “Of course I care, I have feelings for her. I spend 16 hours a day with her, but I chose you. I chose you and all this bullshit and everyone else can go fuck themselves. Yes I like her, if I wasn’t with you I don’t know what would have happened, but I am with you. I put my ring on your finger Em, not hers.”

  “Is that supposed to make me feel better Ryan? You are telling me you have feelings for her.”

  “Not feelings like I want to be with her, but she’s sweet and a bit crazy and I would be lying to you if I didn’t tell you that I don’t totally hate spending time with her. But I married you, stop trying to make me out to be this big horrible guy. I am not cheating on you.”

  “Not physically Ryan.”

  “No Em, not at all. I don’t like her enough to sleep with her, I don’t like her enough to even think about cheating on my wife to be with her. I like her as a friend, and even that is a bit iffy at times because of how much I love you. I don’t want her, if I wanted her, I wouldn’t be with you and I don’t plan on ever not being with you. I need you to trust me, I need you to know that I love you more than everything.”

  “I do trust you Ryan, I didn’t go with you when you flew up there. I am trying. I really am.”

  He paused taking a deep breath

  “So what are you doing tonight?” he asked

  “I am hanging out with Alex, we are watching movies, and I just ordered some food. Tomorrow I am going to stay with Lacey until you come back.”

  “What the hell is Alex doing there?” he asked

  “We are friends Ryan, he is hanging out. You have to trust me.”

  I heard something being thrown across the room. I don’t think he liked having his own words thrown back at him like that.

  “I do trust you Em, it’s him I don’t trust. You think I like seeing my best friend in love with you? Knowing that he is dying because he can’t be with the girl he wants. Why do you think he doesn’t date Em? Because he wants you so fucking bad the very thought of being with anyone else is too much I know how he feels. I know exactly how he fucking feels. I hate him for it. I want to blow his fucking brains out each time I see him, just because he has those feelings. I don’t trust him.”

  “Ryan I love you, I think you need to take a step back and think about everything dramatic that has happened since you and I got together, there was Holly, Katie trying to fuck you in my bed and now this whole bull shit relationship. Alex and I have never done anything. You have no right to have those kinds of fears because I have been nothing but the perfect little secret wife.”

  “I know” he says quietly. “I really am fucking this all up aren’t I?”

  “No, you aren’t, but you need to stop all this shit, because I really just can’t deal with it all.” I tell him

  “I know, I am doing my best.” I know he is.

  “Alright, well I will let you go, Jason will be there tomorrow but can you call me before you go to bed?” I ask

  “You got it babe, I love you.” He says

  “Love you too.”

  I head back downstairs to see Alex still sitting there watching TV

  He doesn’t ask me about my conversation with Ryan. I like that. He doesn’t pry even though he knows what is happening.

  We eat, watch TV and say nothing for the rest of the night.

  Perfect

  Chapter 25

  Ryan didn’t call me back the next night.

  The next day I headed to Lacey’s I was staying with her while Jason was with Ryan in NYC. Mason and I were swimming in the pool. At 4 months old he was starting to show off his personality. He’s hilarious. He laughs a lot. He isn’t crawling yet, but he rolls over. And it’s the cutest thing ever

  Lacey has been giving me a ton of practice with Mason, more so than normal that day we went to the doctor because I was having cramping but my period was late.

  I found out that I was 8 weeks pregnant. I was pretty excited, even with everything I was dealing with, with Ryan I knew he wanted a baby and since I met Mason all I could think about was being a mommy someday too. I didn’t think it would happen so soon, but there it is.

  Mason and I were hanging out in the pool and chatting about Uncle Ryan and his new cousin, he had no idea what I was saying, but he was watching my face with so much intent like he just wishes he knew what I was saying because he knows it’s important.

  Lacey gets a call. She was sitting at the table reading one of my books on my kindle. She doesn’t normally have time to read, and clearly she is into whatever she is reading because she takes a while to answer the phone.

  I watched her face as she spoke to whoever was on the other line. She didn’t look happy. She looked up at me and motioned for me to come over

  I climb out with the baby, and hand him to Lacey who hands me the phone, its Jason she tells me

  “Hey.” He said “Um, you need to come out here.”

  “What’s wrong?” I ask

  “Ryan is drunk, really fucking drunk. He has been since I got here, some shit went down and... He needs you. He doesn’t know I am calling you, but you just need to come out here now.”

  There is fear in his voice.

  I agreed to come out, Jason doesn’t give me more details, but I knew that Ryan being that drunk was not good and Jason being scared was even worse.

  Lacey and I checked out flights. There was one leaving for NYC first class in less than an hour. She rushed
around and got the baby ready while I get dressed. I didn’t have any luggage. Anything I need I could just buy when I get there and knew that my husband is okay.

  The flight was going to be about 5 and a half hours. Which was long enough. As soon as Lacey dropped me off, I headed through security. Annoyed with the long lines. I felt like I just needed to be by Ryan’s side and it wasn’t happening fast enough.

  As soon as I boarded the plane I checked my phone. I had tried to text Ryan a few times with no answers.

  I fell asleep about 45 minutes after takeoff. Waking up just as the plane was beginning it’s descent into NYC

  I caught a cab to the hotel where Ryan and Jason were staying

  I met Jason in the lobby who hugged me as soon as I saw him.

  “Hey, I got you a room key last night. I haven’t seen him yet this afternoon, he’s been upstairs all day. His dad showed up the night I left LA to come here. He said a bunch of shit about Ryan and he knows about you, so he told Ryan that you were going to leave him when you smartened up. He told Ryan that he doesn’t deserve you. Apparently he knows who you are, I think he has been following you guys. Holly was mentioned as well, I have already talked to Alex.

  I only heard bits and pieces of what he was saying, Holly. I had no idea what she has to do with this. I made a mental note to ask him later what that meant.

  “He’s been drinking heavily. He skipped his press event last night. Katie too. Apparently he flipped out on his producer and Cindy, I have no idea if that’s about the thing with you or just because he was drunk but I have to go in now and talk to them and try and calm them down. They both want to fire him.” He told me

  I took the key card from his hand and headed up to the suite at the top of the building. It’s one of those penthouse suites that if you punch the card into the slot in the elevator it takes you straight up, but you can’t get up there without one.