Crushed Page 6

  “Hey bro” Alex said as soon as we were within ear shot of Ryan

  “Hey” Ryan replied, anger evident in his voice

  I thought these guys were best friends. I guess considering Ryan has been at our house for months on end, and this is the first time I am actually meeting Alex, I might have been wrong.

  Lacey and Jason joined us later, we laughed, and Jason told really horrible jokes. Alex was funny too, like insanely funny but Ryan didn’t really laugh. After a while, I stopped paying attention to him and his brooding behavior and focused on Alex, Lacey and Jason. I don’t understand why he came if he wasn’t interested in everyone else, but I was tired of his shit

  Yes he was my boss, but this wasn’t working hours and I wasn’t going to let him make me feel bad

  When everyone was done eating, Alex and I agreed to clean up together so everyone else went inside

  He washed, I dried, Lacey put all the food away before she came in and told everyone that “baby sickness” was kicking her ass and she totally needed to get some sleep. She gave me a kiss goodnight, and told me to put a movie on and hang out with Alex for a bit.

  I looked behind her and noticed that Ryan was watching our exchange with annoyance

  Alex and I sat down on one couch, and Ryan and Kelly sat on the other. We picked out some drama suspense romance movie.

  Alex sat pretty close to me, his arm draped behind me on the couch, one leg crossed in an alpha male sort of way. I felt him playing with a few locks of my hair, rubbing them back and forth between his fingers. I looked at him and grinned.

  We started watching the movie again, I glanced over at Ryan who was watching me his head leaned back against the couch. I looked over at Kelly, who had her hands under a blanket that was on Ryan’s lap. At that moment the screen lit up bright and I noticed that the blanket was moving up and down.

  Seriously, he was getting a fucking hand job about 4 feet from us?

  I leaned over and whispered in Alex’s ear

  “I am pretty sure they are a step away from having sex”

  Alex glanced over there and I looked back too, Ryan had his head back, eyes closed. Clearly he was enjoying himself

  I tried to ignore them, Alex moved slightly closer to me putting his hand on my thigh

  He leaned in and whispered “is it totally weird that I just met you and I totally want to do everything they are doing?” He laughed lightly in my ear

  I looked at him, to see if he was being serious or making fun of me. He was being totally serious

  I leaned in and kissed him.

  He grabbed my head and started kissing me, hard.

  He was an alpha male through and through, from the way he walked, talked and now the way he was kissing me. He wanted control and he took it

  I didn’t mind. I forgot all about the other people in the room and crawled up onto his lap.

  He continued to kiss me, stopping every so often to layer kisses down my neck, so gentle it almost gave me chills.

  He was hard as a rock too, his erection pressing through the zipper of his jeans to the point where I knew it had to be somewhat painful for him

  I reached between us and rubbed my hands over the bulge gently, looking at Alex as I did it. He threw his head back but quickly sat up straight grabbing my face and kissing me.

  That’s when I heard the scream

  Not a painful scream, a sex scream

  I looked over to see that Ryan had Kelly bent over the coffee table that was about 2 feet from where Alex and I were, Our feet had just been resting on it moments before

  There was a split condom wrapper thrown onto the couch right beside me

  Disgusting fucking pig

  I looked up at his face and noticed that nothing in his face would be what you expecting a man fucking a hot girl to have. He looked pained, he looked pissed and he was looking right at me.

  That was my last straw.

  I grabbed Alex by the hand and stood up, he followed.

  I looked back at Ryan who had stopped pumping in and out of Kelly to watch us walk away

  “Goodnight guys, please lock the door when you leave”

  And with that I led Alex to my room

  Not before I heard a crash and Ryan shout at Kelly “get your skank ass the fuck out of here now”

  As she ran to the door I heard her say “you couldn’t even stay hard you fucking loser”

  The door slammed

  I laughed.

  Chapter 12

  I didn’t sleep with Alex obviously

  I had just met him, and I think we both knew that we were trying to piss Ryan off.

  He didn’t seem to mind, he was actually really sweet when we went into my room

  At first I was a little worried that he was going to expect me to sleep with him, but we just talked. Until about 4am

  He told me about his dad and his dad’s club. He wanted to join, but part of him felt like he needed to stay out and take care of his sister Holley.

  I told him how I had heard all about her my first day in town and he laughed

  “She has a way of making great first impressions, I’ll give her that”

  “I don’t understand her obsession with Ryan”

  Alex didn’t say anything at first, thinking about his response

  “Girls love Ryan, he is a total player though, and most of the time they go in knowing that he isn’t going to form some big romantic bond with them. They know he is looking for a hookup and tells them up front”

  “Holly though, she grew up with Ryan, she thought he was this God when we were teenagers, and when she turned 16 I think she thought that she was going to make him fall in love with her. He screwed her and left her in the middle of the night. When she woke up the next day she was screaming at me, like I made him leave when I never even knew he was there. After that she started following him around left and right. At first it was kind of cute, like it was her first crush, we’ve all been there. But after a while we realized that it was much more than that.

  She would drive by his house on the way to mine and knock on his door, if another girl was there she would scream at her and accuse him of cheating on her. We sat her down a million times and told her that Ryan just wasn’t interested, but she always accused me of lying and said Ryan was just scared. I tried to get my dad to help, but he hates Holly for reason I won’t get into tonight, but he has to stay away from her. He gives her money, and she runs off and sleeps with a bunch of college guys for weeks on end, but then she always comes back looking for Ryan.”

  “He’s pretty fed up, I asked him why he didn’t get a restraining order on her” I tell him

  “I have told him to do it, but I think that he feels like I would resent him in some sort of fashion if she went against it and was locked up. He tried to help me stay straight. I don’t think he wants to see me join my dad’s club, he’s worried I would end up in jail. Which I would, I mean everyone does time at one point or another, but Ryan has always tried to protect me. I think that’s just who he is, but he doesn’t want to protect Holly, but he does it for me”.

  “That’s kind of sweet of him, I mean messed up that he puts up with it but he’s a good friend” I say

  “He’s a really good friend, but I think you are changing that” he grins looking at me

  “Why is that?” I ask

  “Because he likes you clearly, but Ryan doesn’t do long term or relationships of any kind, you are changing things for him and he hates change. So he’s just going to keep fighting it off. The fact that I am in here with you right now is clearly pissing him off. I have never seen him use a girl the way that he did tonight. He wasn’t into what he was doing, he wanted a reaction out of you, and he didn’t get it. I think he’s going to be pretty angry with me when I see him next.”

  None of this makes sense. Ryan is a guy who I messed around with, I asked him to make us something and he refused. That was his choice, the rest of this is getting to be too much


  “I have given him a chance to make something out of what we have, it was his choice to not date me. I can’t sit around all day and wait for him to change his mind. The fact that he would use that girl in any manner at all means he is not the guy for me, I want someone who can treat me with respect, not someone is afraid to face his feelings. He would never be able to treat me the way I know I deserve.”

  Alex looks at me “You are probably right, I mean he is my best friend, but I don’t like the way he acts out. It can be pretty exhausting when you have a crazy little sister and a man whore friend.”

  “I couldn’t do it” I laugh

  Alex left a short while later, giving me a kiss on the forehead. Before he leaves he looks at me “you are pretty amazing Emmalyn, I’ve spent the last 7 hours with you tonight and I can’t imagine not knowing you a little more. No matter what happens with Ryan, I would really like to be friends with you, if you think that’s okay?”

  His eyes are brightened with hope, he wants to keep me around. He isn’t giving me some bull shit about not wanting to date, he’s not asking me out, but he isn’t trying to act like a douche either. “Of course” I tell him “I would love that Alex”

  I lean up and give him a kiss on the cheek and he leaves.

  Right after he left I checked my phone before heading to bed. There was a text from Ryan

  R: Can you work tomorrow morning?

  E: Sorry, just getting this. What time?

  He didn’t reply. I was lying in bed just about to fall asleep 30 minutes later when my phone rang

  “Hello?”

  “Hey” Ryan says, he sounds quiet

  “It’s 4:30, what do you need?” I ask

  “I just wanted to see if you could come by at around 8. I have a bunch of errands I need done and I can go with you so you know what needs to be done for next time.”

  He called just to give me a time. Okay.

  “Um, yeah sure. I have to go to bed now though, I am going to be exhausted, I’ll stop for coffee first, do you want me to grab you anything?”

  He paused again

  “No Emmalyn, I don’t need anything from you”

  I hung up the phone. I was too tired to deal with what sounded like sadness in his voice. Wasn’t he the one who was sleeping with another chick right in front of me only a few hours ago? Isn’t he the same person who said that he doesn’t date pretty much telling me not to expect anything? I am not one of his whore groupie girls. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel something for him, I want him to change his mind, I want him to want me, but I know he doesn’t.

  After spending so much time with Alex tonight, I realized I liked him too. I went my entire life with no boy problems and now I had two

  Chapter 13

  I grabbed a venti espresso drink at Starbucks the next morning before heading over to Ryan’s. I had fun with Alex last night, but I was seriously paying for staying up so late

  Before Lacey left for work, I told her about what had happened with Ryan the night before. She didn’t seem surprised in the least with his behavior “That’s Ryan for you” she said

  When I pulled up to Ryan’s he was in his home gym, bench pressing what I had to assume was 3 times what I weighed the bar bells were huge. He was listening to Nine Inch Nails on the stereo system, I didn’t think he would hear me come in.

  I took a second just to watch him. He seemed angry, he was grunting with each repetition. Sweat soaked through his grey tank top, his legs were draped over the side of the work out bench. He looked ferocious, not someone I would ever want to make truly angry

  “Hey” I said as loud as I could over the music.

  He paused in the middle of his rep, and then quickly did 5 really fast ones.

  “Hey” he said, grabbing a towel hanging on the edge of the bench and wiping his face before sitting up

  I waited for him to get up and tell me what he wanted me to do. When he sat up, he just sat there staring at me.

  “I’m going to go drink my coffee in the kitchen, if that’s okay. You can just let me know when you are ready to tell me what to do.”

  I turned out before he could say anything

  About 15 minutes later, he came down stairs, fresh from the shower.

  He grabbed a bowl and a box of fruity pebbles from on top of the refrigerator.

  “Really?” I asked eyeing his choice of breakfast cereal

  “What” he said looking down at his bowl as he added a ton of milk

  “That’s what a guy who bench presses 300 pounds easy eats for breakfast? I thought you would have some crazy healthy, flavorless egg whites.”

  “No, I eat what I want, I just work out enough that it doesn’t really matter.” He says

  “Ah, well I don’t blame you, I wouldn’t want to give them up either even if it means I could look like that.” I said gesturing to him

  He laughed “well thanks, I think?”

  I smiled, looking down at my coffee.

  “So” He said, taking a chair next to me “I need to go to my agents office and pick up the next script that is being offered to me, then I need to get my dry cleaning and when I am done I need to head over and see my parents and bring them some dog food for Riley”

  None of those sounded too hard

  “Then I need you to read this script with me and if I decide to take it, you can call my agent back and let her know. Then you can help her figure out a time for me to go audition, but Cindy doesn’t think I will be auditioning, which is why I am getting a script already. They want me for the part, the rest is fine details if I choose to take the role”

  “Okay” is all I say

  We head out to his Escalade. I’ve never been in one before, I know they are fairly expensive, but I wasn’t expecting it to be so roomy inside.

  Ryan walked over to the passenger side with me and opened the door “It’s a high step up there, I have larger tires than a regular SUV, makes me feel all manly”

  He reached for my hand and helped me step up into the truck as soon as I sat down, I went to pull my hand away but he was holding it tighter, looking down at it deep in thought

  “Are you okay?” I asked bringing his attention back to me

  “Yeah” he smiled “let’s get out of here.”

  A few minutes down the road, Ryan looked over at me “So, are you and Alex a thing now”

  “Why do you ask?” I look at him

  “I just want to know” he says, shrugging his shoulders

  “I like him, we hung out all night last night. He’s a really good guy Ryan.”

  I glance over at him, and notice him squeezing the steering wheel a little tighter

  “What, you asked me and I answered what is the issue?”

  “Nothing Emmalyn, are you going to have sex with him?”

  What?

  “I hadn’t really thought that far ahead, I mean we hung out for one day, we aren’t even dating, and I am not going to just let the first guy who makes me smile between my legs.”

  “You let me in there, so clearly it’s not like you look for the best guys.” He’s not looking at me

  “Yeah, I am starting to think that was a huge mistake Ryan, but by all means keep rubbing it in and reminding me that I made a huge ass mistake in letting you anywhere near me.” Raising my voice

  “You don’t get it, any of this do you?” he says

  “Get what, that I am not good enough for you, I got that. I also got that you gave me the best fucking orgasm I have ever had and 10 seconds later made me feel like a useless whore. Which apparently is the only kind of girl that you hang out with.”

  “I want you Emmalyn. I don’t want girls. I need to fuck them, get rid of them and then I am good. I have never needed someone. I want to be with you, but I am the one who is not good enough for you. I don’t know what to do. I want to say fuck it all and ask you to be mine, but I can’t handle knowing that I am going to hurt you. Whether I want to or not it’s just who I am, I am a piece of s
hit.”

  Tears well in my eyes, I have heard everyone close to him tell me about this Ryan, the one who feels like he deserves nothing. The one who was broken down emotionally by the one man in his life whose job it was to keep him whole

  “You aren’t a piece of shit, you just don’t have a whole lot of self-love. I like you Ryan, I really do, but if you can’t be sure about me I don’t really understand the issue with me being with someone else.” I tell him

  “It’s not you that I am unsure of, I know what I am feeling and it scares the shit out of me, because I won’t survive you if I fuck it up, I know that and I have only known you 6 months.”

  I don’t know if I should be flattered, if I should find some kind of compliment in his broken answer.

  “Why don’t you just let go and live for once?” I ask him

  He pulls onto the side of the road

  “Would you do that?”

  “I do live, I am not hiding from anything”

  “Yes you are, but that’s not what I mean. I mean would you be willing to throw caution out the fucking window and be with me, even if you knew that I might rip you apart?”

  I looked out the window before turning back to him

  “Do you think you would do that…? I mean hurt me?”

  He nods “I don’t think I would mean to, but I break everything good that comes my way. Could you handle that?”

  “I don’t know, but part of me really wants to try.”

  He smiles and leans over and unbuckles my seat belt, pulling me towards him

  He tucks my lose hair behind my ears and rubs his thumb down my bottom lip

  “That is the best answer you could have ever given me. I need you. I need to try this.”

  I nod, and then he leans in and kisses me gently.

  “Thank you” he says

  I climb off his lap “Don’t thank me yet” I laugh

  Part of me feels like this might be a huge mistake, he was having sex with someone else less than 24 hours ago. Just thinking about Kelly makes me angry

  “So what was the deal with that girl last night, why did you have sex with her?”